Hey Everyone,

Love this board. It is so great to be able to reach out to each of you. I've posted previously about my huge transference issues with my T. I have told him about it and he has handled it well. Today we talked more about trust issues, sometimes he thinks I don't trust him enough. So I decided to take a risk and told him everything(so he would know I trust him), how a few months back I searched online and found out his personal info, etc. I remember reading here somewhere that in order to get the most out of therapy you have to be brutally honest with your T about everything. And this is not something I am proud of but at the time I didn't know it was against boundaries, etc. He was really calm and nice, told me it bothered him but he wasn't mad at me, etc. Now I am home bawling my eyes out because I want to believe him, that he's not angry, but I just don't. I know he's not but I feel so ashamed and exposed and humiliated. This was worse than telling him I fell in love with him. What is wrong with me? Why can't I believe him? And why do I feel the need to beat myself up over this? (also the transference stuff with him is about my dad)