But I understand.

My therapist, who I've been with for a few years told me today it wasn't a good idea we work together anymore. I'm a major liability to him. I have DID and one of my alters is determined that he will harm us. So much that it becomes a delusion. He's afraid that this alter will mark him as a predator. And I worry about that too. He is afraid of the liability involved in this. He could loose his license or be suspended if she accused him of something he didn't do. And it's not that she lies, but it's a delusion, she's convinced he is really harming her, or going to at any moment.

This is really sad to me, because it won't get better with another therapist. I've had many in the past where this same things happens. My small ones really like him and feel safe with him, and this one that is convinced he's a predator have ruined it for them. They are very sad. They are hurt. They feel abandoned. They wonder "will any therapist not consider us a liability"? And if they do, then who will we see? How will things ever get better?

I got so upset, after he said that I should "stay with a therapist till things get too deep and then get a new one again, in order to stop one from feeling as if too much trust will hurt her". But then I thought... how will I ever get married. How will I ever trust anyone if i have to keep moving from one to the next. What kind of life is that? And the idea is for me not to trust them? How crappy is that? Is that my only alternative? I just wanted to cry, thinking after all these years of knowing me, that his one solution for me was to just keep bringing new people into my life to learn to trust, before she forces them to leave. I don't know what it's like to love somebody, or be loved. I don't know what it's like to feel truly close to anyone.

I got so upset, that I just got up and left the session. I was going to do something stupid, but at the last minute I just took another turn and went for a walk. Is this really what my life will be like forever?