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Originally Posted by zooropa
I KNOW I am pushing too much, but I don't know how to stop. Here is part of it: she said I was damaging the relationship when I was just doing what she told me it was OK to do. So, why should I worry now about what is too much for her? also there is a sort of frantic feeling that it can't end like this, at the same time that I feel if it IS going to end now, go out in a blaze of glory.
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You posted this earlier:
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She said it's not my fault, and I'm not a bad person. She said she failed to set her limits and follow through and that I was just trying to get my needs met. She cares about me and cares about the relationship, and she knows we can work through this. She said something about how I can learn from this and use what I learn in my other relationships. She is still there and I can still call her.
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I'm confused as to why this didn't calm you down for long and allow you to have some hope for the repair of the relationship. Maybe it's because you are left feeling like you do not really know what is ok or not ok? You don't know where exactly the line is and you feel unsafe and out of control? Boundaries help us to feel safe and in control of ourselves. She is definitely sending mixed messages! Why on earth would she say that you can still call if your calling is what is damaging the relationship? I would think she would redefine her limits so that you KNOW where they are at! I think your T needs more training in DBT so she can know how to treat BPD. I can hardly believe she is a DBT therapist. DBT is supposed to prevent this sort of break in the therapeutic relationship through support for the therapists. She should be attending weekly therapist consultation group and getting support and feedback. Your situation is all too common with BPD. I went through the exact thing and have been in that state of desperation. The thing that saved the relationship was my T getting involved in DBT and requiring me to join a DBT group. I just don't get your T at all. DBT is supposed to prevent this scenario from happening!