I read something in a Dan Millman book "Everyday Enlightenment".. pg 22. He said:
"In order to fit into society, your parents (or caregivers) taught you what was considered right and what was deemed wrong. ... you learned the two prime directives: "If I am good, I am rewarded. If I am bad, I am punished."

"In an ideal world, these rules would be absolutely fair and consitent. In the real world, however, your parents didn't always notice misbehaviors. Even if they did see severy mistake, they might have been too tired or distracted to respond consistently to your actions."

"But there was someone who saw and noted, without fail, every single misstep you ever made. You did, and you still do. ... Your parents, however, didn't always do the punishing. So you ended up punishing yourself- sometimes for the rest of your life- in the form of self-sabotage or self-destructive behaviors."

I think this may help you out, that is why I typed it up. Big hugs to you!!