Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
Elana05,
I think i know what you're getting at. . .do you mean that the event that gets us upset or hurt might be a small thing -- but it's what that event makes us feel inside that brings up our issues? Like with you wanting the shades drawn and t doesn't do it -- does it remind you of other times in your life when something was really important to you, but the other person just did what they wanted to anyway?
When t says or does something that feels like I'm not important to her, i get physical sensations and emotional pain that hit, and i think, "OW, that hurts! I feel like i don't mean anything to her." It seems that, in the moment, the problem is what t said or did. It doesn't come into my mind that i might be reacting to the past because when t hurts my feelings and I react, I'm not thinking about the past. I just notice the awful emotions and physical sensations I get. This makes it very hard for me to know if my reactions are coming from the past. It's usually not until I notice the same things keep happening over and over and over, and they always cause me to feel unimportant, that I think there must be something more causing my reaction that just what my t says or does.
What i find weird, though, is that when i think about my parents ignoring me, i don't feel the same despair i do when i think t is ignoring me. If my reaction to t isn't truly about t -- but is about my relationship with my parents instead -- then why don't i feel those same awful physical sensations and emotions when i think about what my parents did???
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That is an interesting question. Do you think it might be a useful one to bring up with your T? (Or maybe you already have).
I can very much relate to what you describe as a physical sensation. When I am triggered, I feel stunned for maybe 3-5 minutes. Then I know I'm in for it. The pain begins like a feeling of someone sitting on my chest, then becomes a dull ache from my lower chest all the way to my throat. Then the pain grows stronger as the hours go by. I am always amazed at the perfect description that someone came up with so long ago - a broken heart. That's exactly what it feels like to me. I don't know if it's cortisol or other stress hormones rushing into action, or some other scientific explanation, but this is when depression is the worst for me because I'd give anything for that feeling to go away. So I know what you mean when you say "OW!"
You describe some sorrowful situations that you experienced, like when your mom and sister kept you out of their discussion at the bookstore. But could it be that maybe you don't exactly remember the other situations that occurred in your family when you were young?
I know I suffered when I was a kid - heck even before I could speak. My parents had blow-out arguments and were divorced by the time I was 3. My mom always drank a lot and I knew she was sad about leaving my dad and moving away. I bring this up because although I can often remember my reactions to her drinking or her feeling sad etc, I don't totally remember the emotions.
... So, actually here is one thought... When we're kids growing up in a tough situation (such as being ignored), we often go into "coping" mode. You simply do the best you can at the time. The emotions are there but they get repressed in order to survive. It isn't until later that the triggers bring with them the emotions that were repressed when we were growing up.
Just a thought...