Def need clear boundaries to feel safe. Just completely out of control, it feels like me pre-dbt. Where did everything I've learned go, and how?

My T does have a lot of DBT training, owns the only DBT practice in a 3 or 4 county area, and has been doing it for several years. I don't know how this happened. I know she has supervision, and weekly consultation.

I keep forgetting to clarify this part: she said the problem wasn't me calling, it was me calling for reassurance. Calling for coaching is ok, calling for reassurance is not, I guess. She never told me that, she expressly told me so many, many times to not worry about whether I should call her, to just call. So I did. And not a lot. I didn't call her for reassurance a LOT. Sometimes weekly, sometimes monthly, sometimes not for several weeks.

anyway. It's a mess and getting messier and there isn't much I can do at this point. I am not able to use my DBT skills, so I am using whatever coping I can including misusing my prescription drugs and cutting. I went to the hardware store and got a new pack of razor blades. I can and will do whatever it takes to not feel like this any more. And the kicker is that cutting WORKS. It really does. I feel calmer and more able to cope with day to day things like making dinner and going to my daughter's school concert. When it wears off, I will cut again. Maybe at some point I will have had enough peace that I can start to use my DBT skills again. I hope so.