Hello,
I recently turned 40, and since then, i have gradually been losing interest
in everything.
I am a musician. I teach the guitar. So i am able to talk, relate, and teach my students just fine.

I am married, and my moods have begun to take a horrible toll on that relationship.
Im confused about what to say here really. I have problems with racing thoughts and making decisions. Forgive me if im jumbling subjects around, its hard for me to line up my thoughts.
I dont care about anything anymore. I have negative thoughts about everything and everyone i see. Either the way i see them, or the way they see me.

I think, "Wow, people are so stupid, i hate them". Or i'll think,
"God, im such in idiot, that person must hate me" I dont really enjoy making music anymore, which is probably the biggest thing that i dont understand.
Its been my life for so long. How can i not love it anymore? It doesnt make sense. I was a bit of a child prodigy on the guitar. I have had good success in music. Actually, my life is quite good. I have a nice house. A job. Nice music studio. A wife who loves and takes care of me.

Why am i not happy?

I feel like an old crumudgeon. I hate that, and i hate this, and everything is stupid and pointless. What is the point?? What am i doing? Why am i doing this?
I have finally decided to go to the doctor and see if im actually clinically depressed.

Anyway, at least i have found a place to vent, and talk about the crazy things im thinking all the time. And to talk to others that feel similar.

Thanks...