My abuse ended almost 20 years ago and still haunts me to a certain degree. Therapy has helped a lot, even the times that it is really tough. I think sometimes when our kids hit milestones or ages or events that makes us think of ourselves at that age and that triggers the fear/anxiety. I know that's what happens to me. Parenting frequently throws me for a loop. I guess the one thing I can say about my parents is that they taught me how not to parent. I figure if I do almost everything opposite of them - then I'm doing the right thing. It's a sad fact that parents hurt their children....I've gone round and round trying to understand why - my T says I need to accept that I will probably never know the entire answer. I know my parents had difficulties growing up, but I have made a conscious choice to not continue the cycle. lord knows I'm never perfect, but I know I do the best I can with the skills I have and I know my children genuinely believe that I love them...something I never felt from my parents at all!

BTW - the best book I ever read on the topic is The Courage to Heal