Thanks for the kind words and advice...yes I do need to work things out for myself, but I'm having trouble trusting my friends now that I've told them...my first impulse is to retreat into my shell. I have no plans to tell the rest of my family (my parents have been incredibly supportive so I'm fortunate that way), I'm just afraid of being treated differently when all I want is to be treated like a normal person.

And yes, I have been reading literature, about others' experiences, but I still feel ashamed of having BP, I still blame myself for letting things get to me and trigger my first major episode. My triggers at the time were a combination of an unhealthy work environment, a one-sided love affair that went awry and my constant worry about my dad's escalating alcoholism at the time. It just got too much for me and I went from being depressed to full-blown psychosis.

Things are much better now, I'll be finishing grad school soon to pursue a new, less stressful career, but my biggest fear is if I'll be able to cope with a full-time job and moving away from home? i had an episode just a few weeks ago and it really scared me.