Lexicon, honey, let me translate you post in the way that I read it.

The past is the present. I do not let myself enjoy pleasure (i hurt myself) i give up. i've started counting down the days (i'm preparing myself to die. I feel too serious.

I have open wounds (the pain won't go away) I want to take drugs to take the pain away, i feel too much. I don't want to die. I don't want to.

Some things to say about this.

1. The past is always relevant. It makes us who we are. Do not feel bad for that.

2. Let yourself go and look for the things you enjoy. This includes sex.

3. When you give up, look to others for help. We all need support. Who do you have in your life who can support you?

4. You will die when you are ready. You don't need to prepare yourself for it, it will just come. Make some other plans in your life, look to the future and try to make it better, make it enjoyable.

5. Some people are more serious than others. If this is you, it is completely ok. If laughing makes you feel uncomfortable, not assuming it does, then you don't have to laugh. On the other hand, if you let yourself go, you may just find a part of you that enjoys a laugh.

6. Everyone is sensitive, just some people choose to hide it more than others. Maybe you are sick of hiding it. Do not be afraid to cry.

7. When the body has a wound, it will heal. Give it time. You CAN heal.

8. There is this great quote "pain is preferable to numbness" Believe this, It is better to feel pain, then to feel nothing. Once we are aware of the pain, we can work on ways to relieve it. Become aware of it and ask...what will make this go away?

9. There is no-one in your life who wants you to die. If they make you feel like that, they are probably JEALOUS as all hell. You don't have to die, it is your choice. Take that choice into your hands and take responsibilty for your life. No-one can do this for you.

I hope i have been of some help.

All my love and take care,

Sometimes