I think I am somewhere between avpd and bpd but mostly it matches avpd.
I have been trying to help myself, cause I can't go to a therapist. I tried contacting some of my classmates and go out with them,but it did not work out cause they already have a preconceived idea about me that I am shy and don't talk to anyone. Whenever I try talking to someone I feel that I am boring them out and most often I end up telling sorry to have bothered them. I thought that maybe talking to people upfront was proving to be difficult for me so I could try chatting online. So I started hanging out in the chat place here in the hope that maybe I'll learn to open up and talk normally like other people do, but I don't think it's working out.
I often feel scared to say things, afraid that people will think I am strange or from some different planet all together. I just don't know what is the right thing to say at the right time. I hate being so terribly lonely. Can anyone please suggest how should I go about so that I can help myself get over this shyness and how can i improve my self esteem?