Rainbow, it sounds like this latest series of emails have become just too upsetting for you--like anything your T could write right now would have some perceived flaw or hurtful aspect to it, even if it were totally benign. I think taking a break from the emails now and waiting until session, as your T suggested, is a good plan. In session, it is so much easier to see and hear what T really means and intends, and draw reassurance from feeling the strength and reality of your relationship.

Rainbow, have you and your T talked about helping you get some coping skills on board so you can better deal with these intensely sad and angry feelings that arise? It may sound like boring work, compared to the interesting stuff you do with EMDR and IFS, but it could be so useful to you in so many situations. When I feel really sad, sometimes the most relieving thing is just to go off by myself and cry and cry. (I think there are stress molecules that are shed in our tears, so a good cry can help us feel better when we're sad.)