I kept myself busy this morning, and was ok. I took a nap in the early afternoon, which is something I rarely do. I woke up feeling quiet and as the day goes on I am mostly just sad. I am not frantic any more. I have no urge to call or email or speak to T.

I am still planning on going to my scheduled appt on Tues and I have been journaling a lot of things that have come up today. I forgot, I think, how much journaling helps. If I don't write it down I'm afraid I will forget, and then I try to hold it all in my mind, and it is too much and too confusing.

I'm going to take my journal in with me, and probably print out my posts from this thread. I don't know if I'm going there to work things out or to say goodbye, I guess it depends on what T says and does during the session, and how it feels to be with her. I am forcing myself to go, though, because I want to end it on my terms. I want to say the things I think I need to say. I want to leave with my head held high and not shaking and in tears like last week.