I decided to leave a message for my T, and I wrote it out beforehand.
only, she messed up my plan by answering the phone. I was...startled. I said, I just wanted to leave you a message, can I just call back and leave a message? She was like ooookkkaayyy? So I said, just, nevermind, I'll just tell you.
this is what I said:
Quote:
I listened to the old voicemails I had saved on my phone and I was reminded of how you have been t'here for me, and I want to, have to, believe that hasn't changed and isn't going to change.
I'm not going to pretend that I understand what's going on right now, but I need to believe that we can work through it and I know that this process is hugely important to me on my journey.
I just wanted to tell you that. I'll see you on Tuesday.
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she said, "ok! I agree 100% with everything you just said. And, I'll see you Tuesday. Oh, and...I'm still here for you. Oh, and, just one more thing. I'm not going to quit and I'm not going to fire you."
And as she said that I took a deeeeep breath, maybe my first one for days. I said thank you. Thank you.
And she didn't say "call me if you want to or need to", she just said goodbye instead. And it's okay. Because I know I can call her if I want to or need to.
Everything isn't fixed, I am still hurt and confused and a little angry. I still want and need and I think deserve an explanation and an apology. But deep down, I do believe it will be okay, that I will be okay. With or without T.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said.
~Brian Andreas