Eh I really feel your pain and it really suxs. Drinking has gotten me in trouble in the past. All I can say is learn from this, you had what you wanted right in front of you, but made some bad choices. Clean yourself up and get back out there. When I lost my cheating, drug-head, nasty ex gf I was in a terrible place, I thought I really wanted to be with her and that she would get better over time. She messed me up for about 4 months... I'm talking insomia every night to the point where the only way I could sleep was getting piss drunk. Now I look back and get angry but then laugh at how dumb I was. Anyways my point is that there will be a girl out there for you and these are the moments in our life that make us learn about ourselfs and our stupidity. Best of luck to ya bud and try to do something to take your mind off her.