ltredvett,
I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I lost what I thought was the love of my life about 6 years ago - it triggered my first major depressive episode. I know how painful that can be, then depression on top of it is unbearable.

I'm glad you take responsibility for what you've done, that is more than a lot of people would do. But I am sorry that your actions led you to lose the woman you loved. I think betrayal is a difficult thing to get over, unfortunately. But I guess my question would be...if you loved her that much, why would you cheat on her? Were you unhappy with your sex life? Of course if it's too personal, please forgive me. I just don't think I understand why you would risk something you loved so much. I'm not trying to make you feel worse - I guess I'm asking do you have some sort of sexual addiction issues that need to be addressed?

As for getting over a lost love, I had that same question for many years. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Mostly, it is just like the old cliche "time heals all wounds". I know a part of my heart will always be with the one I thought was "the one"...but I have healed and now am with a wonderful man I love more than anything in the world. It's a different kind of love, yes, but I would say better - we are best friends on top of everything else. I am very fortunate that he has remained with me through 2 depressive episodes - amazed might be a better word for it!!

Maybe, if you are meant to be together, she will come back one day. But until then, do all you can to feel better about yourself. We all make mistakes, but you can't beat yourself up forever. All you can do now is to make sure you are in a healthy emotional place so that you won't make the same mistake again.

One more thing I can suggest....there is a book called "how to survive the loss of a love" and it is really helpful. It might help you get through the grieving process.

I hope I haven't upset you with anything I've said...I'm really sorry you are hurting so much.