((((((((((confused)))))))))))

Yep. I have SO been there.

I went through this time when T just made me SO ANGRY. He wasn't even doing anything to make me angry...it was more like every thing he did just made me SO mad. I would be standing in the shower and he would pop into my head and I would literally say out loud "T is such an a**hole". Or I would get off the phone with him and say out loud "I HATE him".

Now, I can see that I really did feel safe with him, and I was taking all of the anger that I was "supposed" to feel at the people who hurt me while I was growing up and putting it all on T. Really, it was a good thing. It was good for me to feel anger, and it was good for me to direct it at someone safe, who wouldn't hurt me or abandon me.

Slowly, slowly, slowly, over time, I'm learning to feel some anger at the "right" people, but it's almost like I needed the practice with T first. Anger is really, really uncomfortable and scary for me, so it was good for me to experience it being safe and acceptable.

Good for you for telling T how you're feeling. I remember T telling me once that I looked like a "fiery little dragon" when I was angry and not willing to admit it. I think THAT finally made me angry enough that I started talking about how I was feeling.

Hang in there...it won't last forever, and it sounds like you have a really good T