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I couldn't sleep last night and now I can't stop the "voices" in my head! I hate days like this and wish that I could control them more. I went out with a friend last night intending to disclose some of what I'm going through but I couldn't make the words come out. I'm so frustrated sometimes I feel like this will never go away. we started talking about a girl we are both concerned about and from my emotional reactions to the conversation I think she has figured out that something bad happened as a child but she was kind enough not to ask questions when I didn't offer any details. Why is it so hard to say the words that run through my head 24-7!!
I wish I could be "normal" I feel like if I tell anyone that they won't believe me and I will be rejected once again. The one incidence that I remember clearly when I was 11(by my father’s best friend) I told my mother what happened after my first sleepover with his daughter and she said that we could not tell my father because he would bet to mad. She sent me back to the house because she did not want my father to question why i did not what to go back. my only saving grace was that he and my father had a falling out a few months later and I never saw him again.
I just wish I could talk about this like I can write about it. Maybe in time, at least I hope so.
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