Sometimes I think it is best to let sleeping dogs lie. You literally can drive yourself crazy trying to pinpoint things in the past and force a recall.

However, it may be that those years are lost to you forever. I think that is fine. Memory is a very very odd (and very tricky) thing.

Personally, I think the most important thing is to focus on the now, and reach out to seek professional help for the symptoms and problems that you are experiencing.

It's so important to realize that even though you enter therapy it does not mean that you have to immediately jump into the past. A lot of the work is done in the present with thoughts you are having right now.

My therapist and I have long come to the conclusion that I will likely never know what exactly happened to me, by whom and when. THat's okay, it doesn't change anything, it certainly doesn't change where I am right now.

I would give some thought into seeking out therapy, with a good licensed experienced therapist.

It could help a lot.