I was sitting today and watching a movie. Now all day I'd been fooling myself that I felt fine. I know I was fooling myself because every time I'd feel sadness I'd block it out because I knew the only way I could function from there on was to suppress what I felt and carry on. I'd distracted myself from what I felt inside by thinking of everything I do on my own now as good and fun because there's nobody there to get in my way and distract me. But now I watch that movie. Where there's young people like me but who are beautiful, full of life and have friends to cheer them up and who they can go to when things could be better. They have a future. But then there's me. I'm on my own, I have no friends and nobody to talk to. I look in the mirror and all I see is a loser but just one who's good at hiding just how much of a loser she is. Yes, I have my mum to keep me company and I love her deeply. I have my dad when he's home who I miss and I love so much as well. But sometimes I can't help but feel hurt by that no matter how I try to convince myself of how nice it is to be on my own and how I chose to be on my own and how self sufficient I can be with nobody around. But sometimes I can't deny to myself that I feel so incredibly lonely. And pathetic because even if anybody was around they wouldn't want to be friends with somebody like me. So being alone would no longer be a choice and it isn't a choice now since there's nobody to be friends with. I don't really know what the point of this thread would be. I just wanted to get this off my mind because I could rant to my dog like I do but he's hardly going to give me any words of wisdom in feedback. So could you please tell me how I can keep this loneliness away because it really is painful and it's made me cry so many nights in a row.