Well i did my MMPI~2 on friday,have to set appointment with a therapist next week. But can i fix me fast enough? I am really doubting it, my husband just can't take me anymore, i don't blame him I can't take me anymore either!
he told me last night that he is pretty sure he hates me,doesn't want me around. I am to controling, i just can't say anything the right way, everything comes out wrong, i can't put my mind around how to say things constructively and when i try it ends up coming out wrong anyway. I am just feeling hopeless and useless! I wish i could lay down in bed with my teddy bear and never get up again. He thinks i don't love him, he kept saying he was just done with it all, so i said okay then I will leave, OMG that just did it! He is like I knew u really wanyed out! If u didn't you would never say something like that, but he was saying i make him miserable and don't i want him to be happy and i do! But 8 am not making that happen so i said what i said,and he won't let me explain myself,which is okay cause i would probably mess that up to. I have always believed in staying with someone through sickness and health, but i see his point, my sickness is causing him sickness and we have kids and i am gonna make them sick like me! That is the last thing i ever want to happen! I don't wish this misery on anyone.
I feel abandonded! Like i am damaged goods! Like i am not worth the fixing. I thought I was there for him when he was sick but he says i really wasn't so I am also confused . I feel like everything I have always believed about myself is just a huge lie! I am a huge lie.
I am not sure if I can move forward in the therapy fast enough to save this, my heart is totally broken and the worst part is I have cause the break though my out of control behavior.
This is all affecting my work now as well, because of the depression my ADD is manifesting itself tenfold to what it usually is. I am beginning to find it hard to see a reason to keep trying!