Zoo, I am sorry that you've been going through so much with your T the past few months. It really is overwhelming. I know personally the conflicted feeling revolving wanting to quit or wanting to continue. I understand the back and forth, the pain and fear, the dependence and the self-protection. I would recommend from my own experience that you trudge through all the emotions because in the end you will be a better person for it. Through the issues in your relationship with your T, you will learn how to handle similar conflicts better with your friends, relatives, coworkers, etc. Also, eventually the back and forth will end, or at least lessen significantly, and you will feel very grateful for the support your T has given you over time.