I can relate.
The other day my dad told me over the phone again that I sounded fine. I sounded fine because I cover really well and don't tell him what's going on. (Somehow I imagine I am protecting him?) My T really thinks it's time to tell him more about it. Even with the bad thoughts, the racing thoughts and the sui** thoughts, it just seems "normal" to me. These days I almost think, well doesn't everyone think about this all the time? I have to be honest with myself and say, no. I told him two years ago I was depressed. What else can I say? I should be better by now. But, I know it is progress not perfection.
I guess I just wanted to say I think I know what you mean...