New here, seeking advice from anyone--esspecially those dealing with, or who have dealt with problems like mine..

So, I'm usually feeling very depressed.. Though, at the same time I can joke around with others and act absolutely fine. MOST of the time, no one will notice, but if they do I lie about things. Then I sort of get irritated if they can't tell I'm lying. :/

I don't know if I can do anything myself, but I really don't think I can go to anyone, including my parents to get diagnosed with depression or...anything like that... Not entirely sure why, but I've always had issues with trust and I'm 100% sure my mom would tell everyone within sight about what I told her if I were to mention this to her.

Sometimes I will actually feel pretty good though. Definitely have highs and lows, and I really don't understand myself... >.<

Also, after taking Ibuprofen for random aches and pains for quite a while, I realized that it makes me pretty hyper..I actually feel pretty good when I take it. I had my dad buy a bottle (For stomach cramps--I told him anyway), and I've been taking a lot of them...people have noticed that I'm different too, because they've mentioned how I seem more...excited. I know it isn't good for me. Esspecially not taking 6-8 200 mg tablets a day..but it really seems helpful to me..I'm scared to stop. I've finally felt okay for short amounts of time.

I know I definitely shouldn't be hiding something like this, and taking pills which aren't even intended for such a problem--even if they help--and esspecially with the warnings, etc...I just really don't know how else to deal with it.

I need suggestions, things that will most likely work, even just ideas, whatever anyone can offer would be great. Thanks. xx.