During the week I ride the bus back and forth to work. I like riding the bus. At work I am trying to learn a lot of new stuff. My boss spends a lot of time at my desk. I now find I cannot face going out on the weekend. It's as if having to be pressed up against people coming and going and to 'entertain' my boss almost all day is too much humanity for me. I've thought about how silly that all sounds, but I think for me, it really is too much people, not enough solitude. I like riding the bus, but I don't like being crowded. I like learning new things, but my brain is about ready to explode and while I appreciate my boss training me, when I am not training I want to be left alone, not forced to make small talk with someone who is so competitive, everything is a case of "anything you can do I can do better" -- and I mean anything, I don't mean just work stuff, I mean everything. Being forced to talk to someone all day who has to be better all the time, all day everyday is exhausting.
I need to be able to go to the store; I think for my mental health I should be getting outside, but I am sitting here thinking I don't think I can face another Monday-Friday. I am taking citalopram but it's almost like it makes me feel worse. Is that possible? The only time lately I have gone out to the store on the weekend was when my cat needed cat food. During the week, if I need something, I get off the bus and when I reach home, I get into my car before I even go in the house and immediately drive to the store; I then try to buy everything I think I'll need for the week, but usually I will just go without whatever it is; unless it is for my cat. But normally when I get home I need to decompress and on the weekend, I almost cry with relief at finally having some peace. It's like I am getting too much stimuli. I needed to tell someone this to help me figure it out. Is this anxiety?