Thanks for all the advice. Been off for a couple of days due to being sick. makes things always worse emotionally too I've found out. Anyway I did talk to my T about what I posted above. His response was something like "I'm sorry you don't feel like I'm helping you." Ugh! That wasn't the point at all. So then I felt guilty for making him feel that way *sigh* He does help me. More than he knows I'm sure because I show little emotion in sessions. I tend to back away then comtemplate on one or two points later.
to Byzantine- thanks. my children do feel it. They stress when I am more stressed and it sucks I am trying to get better for them and actually am still alive because of them. I would have ended it long ago if they were not in my life.
Billie- i agree with the empathetic part of working in psych but it's still really hard. I feel hypocritical most days. However- you're right about doing things for other people. When I was young and hospitalized my dad told me this and I took offense to it, I thought he was saying to get over myself and help someone less fortunate. I realize now that he wasn't saying that, he was saying that helping others helps us. and it does. i need to find somewhere to be invovled. the "getting out among people" is the absolute hardest. without the computer screen to seperate- im not much of a people person. i think most the reason is i dont beleive i have anything to bring to a relationship and dont want to be a burden on others.