I'm not sure why I didn't want to read it. I can't remember ever deleting a text, from anyone, without reading it first. I just know that in the moment when it came through I could not get it off of my phone fast enough. I didn't think about what it might say, or if she would want a reply. I just didn't want to read anything that would increase my distress at a time when I feel like I'm hanging on by my fingertips as it is.

To answer your question, rainbow, I don't know if she was apologizing or not. I guess I feel like if it was that important she would have called me. Which, of course, she may well have done, since I have been blocking and unblocking her phone all weekend, lol! I realize how crazy that sounds. I can't explain why I keep doing it, except I feel more peaceful when I am isolated from T and less so when I could hear from her any minute. Not that she usually calls or texts or even emails me out of the blue, but still. I need to feel safe, and T doesn't feel safe, and that makes me so unbelievably sad.