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Knitnut · May 01, 2011, 11:48 PM

It has been a long time since I was here, but tonight I need to be here again…

So, what is it that you have “screwed up?” Why are you “no good?” Please explain yourself.

Actually it is your mom who is wrong…

Let me explain with a story from my past and from my Mom...

For many, many years and for just cause, when yet another crisis/issue/whatever bad thing would happen, my mother would ALWAYS say to me, “Your day will come.” What she meant by that was that one day life would be okay for me. This had nothing to do with depression, but with situations that continually happened in my life…and they WERE never ending. Then one day while I was spending a year recovering from an auto accident (young woman ran a stop sign) she apologized, “I am so sorry I said that to you year after year.”

I considered this a good sign from my mother until a few months ago I told my therapist. He said that my mother’s apology was very sad. I was puzzled too. He said that when my mother apologized she was actually acknowledging/telling me that my “gray cloud” would never leave.

While we all look to others for confirmation of self, we also make a mistake by doing so. Only you can…only I can…make the decision as to whether we have made a mistake. Sometimes we simply look in the mirror and see what we don’t want to see, so we turn to someone else and the answer we hear is not always what we want to hear.

whenwilllitend…when you can stop looking to and listening to others telling you what is good or bad in your life, mistakes included, you cannot move on.

In other words, MOM was NOT RIGHT…if in fact it is your Mom telling you that...or are you telling yourself what you think others may be thinking or saying about you. Maybe you need to read and re-read your signature quote…”The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall.”

Consider these too:

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.” ~~August Wilson

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” ~~Thich Nhat Hanh

The latter quote is one that always gives me that proverbial slap in the face that I need from time to time.