My cousin, the daughter of my mother's sister, has divulged to our family that she takes psychiatric medicine. Big shock to us (not) because so many of us do. However, she feels that my siblings and I have an excuse. We were the ones who were abused, neglected, and in a constant state of upheaval all throughout our childhoods. By extension, since I was so damaged from my own childhood, I could not provide adequate parenting for my daughters, so it would make sense to my cousin that they too need therapy and/or meds today.

She, on the other hand, had a stable childhood with loving parents. While my mother and I endured multiple divorces, her parents are still married to each other. She had a good education followed by a career in the military until she married and became pregnant, and now she has a loving husband and a second child on the way. Her life seems to have gone the way she feels it should have gone. Because of this, she wonders how *she* got messed up. This causes her to feel embarrassed, since she feels that any psychiatric issues in the absence of a bad upbringing would indicate her own weakness. Until now she has felt obligated to present a "perfect" front. She thinks she doesn't have an acceptable reason to be less than that.

My daughter and I have assured her, it's hereditary. It has nothing to do with upbringing. I could have had her upbringing and still have ended up with the issues I have. She could have had mine, and been no worse off than she is now. Nor is it a weakness, only a medical problem. In the back of her mind, she knows this, but she still feels on some level that if her illness is not the fault of her parents, then it is her own.

Is there anything else I can say to reassure her?