oh, im not using windows and the graphic wouldnt display.

i go tomorrow, so i will talk to my T about it.

regardless of the topic of this post, there may be other aspects that are distorting my views and not allowing me to really feel who i am. i dont know if i even believe in a feeling of bisexuality, but i do feel one way or i feel the other- sometimes in one day, sometimes for a spell of a few.

one of my major problems is not being allowed to believe in myself and feel like myself in social environments.

tonight i went to a social gathering for school, im gonna say about 40 people were there, girls and guys. well when i got there i was sort of ok but then slowly as time went on i got worse and worse with not just wanting to run out of the room and hide.

homosexuality feels like something that wont leave me alone. like i will be convinced im not, but i will find a way to convince myself that i must be; and then it goes back again.

i get so scared of things and then just flat out depressed other times, its nearly impossible to cope with this.

this was a good weekend for me just with my family and such, so today i was having a pretty good day, i was confident and i didnt really antagonize myself at all. but now, i cant stand to be myself. after that meeting.....it was as if after i had been there for 10 minutes i forgot who i was and i was 200% concerned with how i presented myself and if people were lookin at me and etc etc.

i know nothing intimate at all feels comfortable this second, and this is kind of common. i dont think i can forget about women, but something about guys like makes me feel inferior, like a wuss.

ill update this, and after reading my first post its interesting that the same type of event made me post that night and then tonight.