thanks for your responses everyone.so much is going through my mind.i want to try to distract myself but I'm not sure this will work either.i cant let go of the feeling that T hates me and is going to try to hurt me in some way.i know this is my ***** and i know i would never let her physically hurt me but i am scared to death of what she is thinking and what she will say to me today.i don't want her to say anything at all.i really don't.

i even had a dream about her when i finely went to sleep.i only remember some of it.i was at her office and following her around but she was just going about her way.she was talking to coworkers and everything acting just like a normal person except to her i wasn't there.i wasn't upset at all it was exact ally what i wanted the only fear i had was that she would notice that i was there.i so wanted to hide from her, never have her hot ice i was there at all and then i woke up.
maybe i should just let her be angry at me and cancel i don't know what i want anymore.