...but I'm not sure where. It's not where I want to be. I am going crazy with my emotions and life swirling into a horizontal crash straight ahead in full force at slow velocity. I don't know if that makes sense to any of you. But to me, I have too many issues and things going on and I have no where to turn, but into perpetual sadness and unhappiness with my life, my job, everything. I still have my T. I will always have my T. At this rate, I will never be without a T. I haven't really learned to "talk" yet. I still love his voicemail. Some days I just want to cry and give up. No, that's most every day.

I haven't cut since I started the Adderall in November, but lately I've been missing it. I still don't have the urges to do it, but...

I've been dealing with everything by not eating and going for anorexic mode. I'd lost 15-17lbs or so, on the low side but not bad. I wasn't thinking but for my kids' happiness and had promised them that I'd take them for pizza this past weekend. I did, but it caused some very emotional meals beforehand trying to build up so I could eat pizza with my kids without crying. What the heck kind of sense does it make that a person should be so emotional because of eating something?!

Everything has been affecting my work, my job stress affecting everything else, my "home" life, family, everything else more. I have been so stressed about working and being homeless and my future that I can't deal with everything in the present. And if things don't get better for me, I will continue to be homeless--and also jobless. It won't end there because I still have my SOB ex-husband and his freakin B new wife who is even more of a B than him! She dared to tell me once last year that MY kids belonged to her and that I had no rights to them. (That was a severe kick to my heart and I will NEVER forget that she said that!)

I have no idea what I am going to do. I might have to tell my boss about being homeless and everything. I was almost forced to already when Benefits at work decided they wanted my physical home address because sometimes they FedEx things to people. They adjusted things so I could register for benefits under my PO Box, but they said that they would still like my physical address. That's not going to happen. Especially if I don't have a job much longer. And no good way to explain it all. The only potential is I could claim the ADA/disability if they know that I am on Adderall, or similar for rights about me being homeless or something. I don't know what's anything anymore.