Quote:
Originally Posted by Troy
Thanks for the encouragement Open Eyes ... as you mentioned just having the diagnosis and understanding what is happening to me has helped a lot. Sometimes I feel i need to tell someone about some of the things that happened, but i just can't do it in person. I don't think I could tell a T about these things ... and some things are kind of like an obsession, they just won't go away.
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Oh yes, I can agree with you on that, just knowing that you are responding to an event in your past in a normal way is a big relief.
I was the only one in my family that took the time to talk to my father Troy, even today. I know that he still thinks about his time in the service. I would have to say that it took him a long time to accept all the aspects of it. I know he saw things that he did not share and tried to concentrate on the things that were over come or questions he seemed to answer. I think that my questions to him were, in fact, questions he had himself as well. I think I gave him a real person instead of his mind, to ask the question so he could give his toughts back, out loud. He is 85 now and one of the things that he was always amazed at is that he lived as long as he has.
From what I have observed in my father and even my own struggle with PTSD, our minds are trying to seek answers for images, sounds, and fear.
But most of all Troy, what we really are looking for is an answer to a complete feeling of loss of control. There can be things in our past that have overpowered us in all kinds of ways and it can be hard on us. We fear going back and seeing it again, and we fear if we will ever be ourselves again or be comfortable with not only others but ourselves.
I think that what is most important Troy. Is that you recognize that, yes there were situations where bad things happened and all you could do is the best you could do. Humans can be very bad, any war is a horror to mankind. But, you did survive Troy, you are here and you are not going to be the same person you were when you left, you are different, you have seen and learned more. But you can still go back to living life and enjoying the simple things of it in a new way. You may appreciate things differently or get angry that others don't know how to appreciate what they have as you have seen it differently now. Remember ignorance is bliss.
Just as your brain has gone from a sort of simplistic thought pattern to a completely different thought process, does not mean that you cant go back to a function within society again. You just have to slowly allow yourself to adapt again. Your brain can do it, it just takes time. Your bain may question from time to time if it is ok to continue. You have to learn to say, yes, it is ok to continue.
Open Eyes
