Dizgirl,I have time to respond to this post now. My former T used to tell me I was manipulating her with my phone calls to her. I didn't think I was. Yes, I agree that it's unintentional!! Yes, it feels like an addiction when I want something so badly from my T, whether it's validation or reassurance, or her telling me she cares about me. Yes! I don't feel like I'm being manipulative. I just feel SO awful at the time. I want my needs to be met and I'm not thinking it's not right to ask. It's very confusing! My T seems to agree with me because she told me I wasn't being manipulative when I told her about my experiences with my past T. I think she will understand that part of me needed what I needed right then. But, she will also say that my parts don't have to "run the show" and my Self can tell that needy part what she needs to hear. At least I think that's what my T will say.
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I cannot deny I have not been manipulative at times in the past, I have. However the word manipulative seems so sneaky, so nasty, so intentional to hurt others. What about unintentional manipulation? What if inside you feel like if you dont do something you will suffer something so awful you cannot even put it into words and so you do what you feel you have to survive, it's like you have to do it, like an addiction driving you to do anything you have to just so you can stop that agony......sometimes that is something like telling someone how awful you feel due to their actions because you need them to understand...but then you are seen as manipulative???
But to you, you werent setting out to hurt or do damage...you just wanted to stop hurting??
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Yes, I just wanted to stop hurting!! The hurt came from needing my feelings to be validated, told I'm okay. I know I'm supposed to think that myself, but it's hard!! Thanks for your understanding, dizgirl.
