Not by choice Never would I have imagined being where I am in life today. All because of a certain sense of... apprehensiveness... Just throwing an idea out there-
Psychotherapy. If you look up a professional online, do you think you could handle an email or even a phone call? Don't worry about the money. Ask on your call or email what the costs are, and ask to be referred somewhere affordable if you need to. There are other services.