Quote:
Originally Posted by Elana05
i just wrote my dad a letter. he has been paying a large part of my therapy and for some of my bills. i hate it. but the depression has had me so flat out that i have not been able to keep a job. i know i am working so hard on myself with therapy and 12 step groups every single day. sometimes the best situation is not the one we want. i need to admit that i haven't given medication enough of a try. my dad wanted to cut me off. i was always good about saying i was "fine!" when he called. big mistake. i havenot been fine. i have been more sui** then i ever have been. i asked him please not to yet. i have given up all of my worries about medication and i am ready to go that route big time. this is a big change for me, to give up control. i hope he will keep supporting me for just enough time for me to get back on my feet. i hate asking for this help. were it not for him i don't know where i would be. a homeless shelter possibly. actually probably living with my mom and that would be even worse. life is crazy and i feel so lost. i only know i need to keep following what my T says. i need to keep following the 12 step groups i attend. i need to keep showing up. the spark of hope is so small. when will it grow into a light i can see by? i pray i can find a good medication. i pray for tomorrrow.
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Elena, I know how you feel. Don't feel guilty that you are getting aide by your father. I know that some days there only seems to be a very small trickle of light. I am glad to hear that you are still listening to your therapist and that you are going to meetings and learning there too.
Elena, there will come a time when the light begins to brighten for you.
You are still young and just trying to understand the sad things that go on around you. But everything that you are learning and all the support you do receive, will help you learn the Serenity Prayer. Perhaps you should recite it every morning or when ever you lose your way.
Because what it is telling you, is , that you have to learn it Elena, accept it and know that the world around you will have things in it that you cannot change or fix. But you can only fix you and the way you begin is to know that if you cannot change it, it is not your fault.
There are so many things in the world and in life that do have a meaning and reason to hang out here and see them, and appreciate them. Right now you only see some bad things, things you cannot change. But Elena there is light out there for you too. For every negetive there is a positive it is out there in nature and science, so it does exist. So knowing that there is light, positive, you have to go and look for it, learn how to see it.
That is the path you are on when you see your therapist and go to meeting. You are finding your way to the light within life.
Open Eyes
