Hi, ok, so I have been feeling pretty good lately. but I feel like feeling happy was one big denial problem. I'm so tired lately. I don't know if there is something wrong with me. I'm too tired to go to the doctor. Actually, I did go last week and he told me that I have a bladder infection. So i tried the medication and i had a bad reaction to the sulfur. So i had to go home early twice over the weekend and i called off on Saturday from work. So I came in on Monday, and I got written up for that. That really sucks, because the last thing i need right now is work problems. For anyone who may have read my first post, my mother has just been diagnoised last month with terminal cancer. Apparently she is in her last stages of it. She is throwing up constantly, but it seems like this past week things were improving. Then today I think she threw up everything she ate this past month. I feel like a huge loser. I'm 20 years old and i'm still living with my parents. My dad just decided to start charging me room and board, and i don't even have a room to stay in. I'm sleeping in my brothers room who likes to jerk off in the morning and deliberatly wake me up every morning. The only reason why i'm here is too take care of my mother. Although, i don't know how to take care of her. My dad doesn't like my fiancee, even though he was the one who told him to marry me after us dating for only 2 months. so my fiancee isn't allowed over here. I feel so guilty when i go out and have fun because i feel like i should be here helping out. But when i am here helping out i feel so drained. I don't know what to do. My friend just got engaged and now i'm jelous, because when i got engaged my boyfriend told me well, i'm going to pop the question to you on our way to vegas becasue he was a flight attendt at the time. So it was totally expected. and then something got screwed up with the tickets and i had to end up paying for us to come back to Michigan. I just feel so drained i don't know what to do. I got into a stupid argument with my fiancee last night about when we go to germany where we are going to stay. What's so stupid about that is that neither one of us even have enough money to support ourselves. He just gets upset at the least little thing, and that bugs the heck out of me. So anyway, I guess i just needed to vent. My life is a dead end and i'm a loser. and it doesnt' help that every person i talk to seems to think that i'm a fatty. I don't think i'm a fatty! my fiancee doesn't think that but of course he wouldn't admit it to me even if he does because i would never let him live it down anyway. besides he is fatter than i am. Anyway, i guess that's all i can think of for now.. i'm really tired i think i'll rest for a bit.
-Audrey