My emotions have gotten so ramped up in therapy that it has been difficult for me to handle them. And, when I told T that learning that she was leaving on vacation, a rush of fear just enveloped my body.

I explained to her that the last time my emotions got so powerful, I did things that almost ruined my life and I see her now as the only thing between me and destruction. So, my emotional brain can't handle that she's going on vacation.

She has given me a month's notice of this break so we've had a chance to talk about it a bit. I told her that just knowing that she is a phone call away helps me cope and gives me security.

Then she asked me a couple of weeks ago, what would she say to me if I called her in an emotional panic. I replied, "I don't know. You're you." And she asked me to imagine what she would say that would help and that I could say the same things to myself.

Later in the day I left her a message and told her that it wouldn't be the words she said but the 'presence' she offered.

Well, in my small brain, I am now interpreting her words to mean that in reality, whether she's here or on vacation, she really can't help me if I'm on an emotional brink.

T has gotten me to experience emotions which I have typically buried or repressed in the past. And now I know that they're there. But, I think I need a new strategy to make a change in myself. I know, I know, everything we read is about tapping into emotions and thereby learning and changing.

But, I'm wondering, now that I've tapped into them, can I now retreat from them a bit, analyze & interpret them with T's help and then try to initiate change from that angle?

In order to not be triggered by emotions during session, the past two weeks I've taken a klonopin in order to stay 'in charge' and detached. I still discuss my emotions and events in my life, but more as a scientist than as the subject. If it weren't so obvious to T, I would prefer to refer to myself in the third person. She doesn't know that I've been taking klonopin.

I did tell her last session that I had this new strategy of withdrawal. She replied that I'm quite good at that. I said that I see no other way for now because I can't handle the emotions. For now, I can contain them. She said the skill is to learn to release them slowly like steam from a tea kettle.

And, although I've been able to contain (to some degree) emotions, I haven't been able to withstand the tidal wave of depression that has descended on me. This is new. Depression must not be an emotion, rather isn't it just a state of being?

So, I have 2 more sessions with T before she goes on vacation. I'm trying desperately not to feel anything about it. Luckily she got me an appointment with a substitute T while she's gone.

Has anyone found success in withdrawal? Can we identify our problems and then solve them without having to go through emotional turmoil?