It is really hard. I'm sure one day you will be brave enough to talk about this, and other stuff as well. I completely understand the freeze thing. I should probably have called my t today (I should probably be calling her now!) but the thought makes me so anxious I almost think it's better to struggle by myself than take the risk. E-mail is much easier for me - although it takes me forever to write my t an e-mail. If all else fails at least you can post here as much as you like at any time of the day and night