I know you don't mean to hurt anyone......I think you are wanting both to stop hurting and to protect yourself and to get your needs met. These are things I developed coping mechanisms to do, too, so I do understand......it's not a malicious thing, but rather a self-protective mechanism, behaviors that are meant to move others to get our needs met. But it's not mean or nasty....not all manipulation is evil, so much of it is instinctive, not even thought out.
I guess for myself, not for you, but myself, I would call it self-centered, that is, centered on my self, obtaining needs for myself - kind of selfish. We all do some of that, it's just that my particular behaviors toward that aim are not healthy and not appreciated by others who FEEL manipulated! I don't mean to be manipulative though, and am glad i am learning more about healthier ways to get my needs met. And I think you are learning more about your patterns and better ways to get your needs met too...... ((((((((((rainbow)))))))))))