How little I know how to choose people who will support me in this journey. I think they call that the 'school of hard knocks' or any other kind of life learning. Slowly by surely you'll learn who to trust.

She leaned forward and said, "You have value. You deserve to be treated well. Never let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise." Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes. We all deserve to be treated well. Every living creature on earth deserves to be treated well. And you deserve to be treated well.

At the time deep down I knew I wanted to resist her message. It hurt too deep to change my world view that way. You've accepted that it's your lot to be treated badly? Please don't resist her message. And why does it hurt to believe it?

Today I am feeling more peaceful. Almost like part of me has been starving and I'm grateful to be fed. But TOO grateful. Gratitude and fear co-mingled. Like - when will this message prove to be untrue?

I don't want to hear these messages, that I'm ok the way I am. It's just temporary. I'm paying her to say all this. Yep, why should you believe her? She's only saying it for the money. hmmmm. Trust is hard to come by, I understand. But her message here is basic. And true.

It's so scary to accept that these issues are so much bigger than I imagined. What issues are bigger than you imagined? It's not going to go away if I earn a certain value or look a certain way or act a certain way. It's deep within.

So scared. Ah, so so scared. I can relate.

Because THAT would take a lot of work to change. Hmmm, I think you've mentioned that to me too. Are we willing to do the work?

I am very confused right now. That's what I told my T last week. I am so so so confused. But what else is there to do but keep on keeping on somehow or another