Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
Dizgirl,I have time to respond to this post now. My former T used to tell me I was manipulating her with my phone calls to her. I didn't think I was. Yes, I agree that it's unintentional!! Yes, it feels like an addiction when I want something so badly from my T, whether it's validation or reassurance, or her telling me she cares about me. Yes! I don't feel like I'm being manipulative. I just feel SO awful at the time. I want my needs to be met and I'm not thinking it's not right to ask. It's very confusing! My T seems to agree with me because she told me I wasn't being manipulative when I told her about my experiences with my past T. I think she will understand that part of me needed what I needed right then. But, she will also say that my parts don't have to "run the show" and my Self can tell that needy part what she needs to hear. At least I think that's what my T will say.
Yes, I just wanted to stop hurting!! The hurt came from needing my feelings to be validated, told I'm okay. I know I'm supposed to think that myself, but it's hard!! Thanks for your understanding, dizgirl.  |
Rainbow:
Hey,
sorry im only seeing this message now. It's not hard for me to understand because I battle these feelings to, I know it's hard to gain control of them. The reason I actually had to push myself to cope better was that my support was taken away from me without warning at one stage and I was treated badly by the health system so I had to tell myself to cope alone because no one cared - it was an extremely painful time for me but I came out of it stronger. But I stil have my moments were I let things take over and i panic and get upset.
I hate the word manipulation but I am a lot more willing now to accept that I have done it and even talk about it if I accidently do it now, which happened afew months ago with my therapist. I would text her something and then say "you dont have to answer this, I undertand the boundaries" - I wasnt trying to be manipulative at all, but at the same time I was leaving her in a bit of a limbo about whether or not to reply and by texting in the first place I was kind of getting her involved anyway. It's not completely manipulative but my T explained to me how it could come across that way and although it was difficult to hear as I try so hard not to be, I can at least learn from it.
May I ask if you have BPD? If you dont want to answer either way then just ignore that question, I wont mind
Suratji - It's good that you know the boundaries and are comfortable with them. I never had my T email address before but its actually how I got in contact with her in the first place so I have it and shes ok about me emailing but we dont really email back and forth, she just maybe writes a line to acknowledged she receieved it and we talk about it in the session.
xxxx