James - If I may ask?
Was your father around during your childhood years? and/ or were you ever sexually abused as a child (by another male)?

If you do not feel comfortable answering those two question I will truly understand - just trying to help, therefore, we need to go a little deeper than what just seems to be happening here in the present..... for our present life (and feelings) are connected to the past.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -