I don't think anyone would discredit you for trying to help yourself. Even therapists here, anyway, have to undergo their own therapy before becoming one And, you want to insure you actually get there I want you to be around, you sound like a great person who is just struggling with a terrible thing that many deal with. I'm glad you are here and hope you can find the help you need. Books? I see there is a list on this website alone that offer some titles that you might find helpful/interesting. Therapy and possibly medications? Don't stop asking for help
hugs