I think a lot of us here can relate to what you are going through.....we all have very similar stories of our feelings.....it is hard. Is there the possibility of therapy? I don't know if many of us would do well without it. It's really a basic necessity.....I'd say most of us could use medication and therapy, and that would probably put a lot of us straight....but maybe medication is not the answer for you, I don't know I want to be medicated either...always in the back of my mind though....if it could make things less of a struggle, gosh, what a great gift? I think, for me, i go to a therapist, and it does help, tremendously...then there is a spiritual side that shouldn't be ignored, if you are open to that...meditation was something my therapist had me do early on (already had practiced it for years, but had gotten away from it-very helpful, mind body and soul) journalling has also been very helpful (may daughter used to do it a lot as a teen, and told me I should too, finally taking her advise) It IS helpful! LOL
Therapy is probably the cornerstone.....I think the common thread is: we just want to feel normal.....I hear ya keep trying we are all here for you