Yesterday afternoon I accompanied my boyfriend to the airport to pick up his daughter-in-law, flying in from far away, on a business trip to our area of the country. I've not met the young lady more that a few times, briefly. Less than 2 minutes after exchanging hugs, she sidled up to me asking about my employment status. (I guess she heard through the family grapevine that I had lost my job.) I mean we were literally just leaving that place which is the closest you can now get to await incoming airline passengers. After flying 2000 miles, THAT was the most pressing thing on her mind. And we hardly know each other. I felt vaguely humiliated, but muttered some baloney to play down the loss I've endured . . . like, something to the effect that I'm on the verge of getting new employment. (which I'm not.)

We all went out to dinner, and I found her to be an absolutely lovely person, and so easy to be with. Within a few hours, we knew each other better and seemed to feel congenially toward each other. At that point, I did not mind talking a bit about my employment dilemma. But, why, in heaven's name, would anyone would ask such a personal question of someone they are only tangentially connected to . . . and do it as the priority issue to be explored, 15 minutes after deplaning? That is something I just am completely perplexed by. To top it all off, she herself has a nice job that she got based on her ability to interact very nicely with other people. How is it that a person, gracious in every other respect, can have this one blind spot regarding another person's feelings?

I've always felt that, as a rule of thumb, I would not ask anyone a question to which the answer might involve their having to address something that might be an unhappy topic for them. And that could be a lot of things. I mean - you start with something real broad and open - like - "So, how are you, Rose? You're looking well." Then wait and follow the other person's lead.

I think, in Asia, it's even a very important part of the culture that you not set up a person to have to "lose face." I guess we westerners are still somewhat barbaric!