Hi Parisfal - sorry to take so long to get back to you and thanks for the reminder!

How are you feeling these days? Any better? Any new developments?

Ok, well the reason I say I'd wait a year is because she hurt you very badly. I am guessing that if you're anything like me, you probably have a number of conflicting emotions running around in your head. When my ex-huband announced that he wanted a divorce (which was a big surprise to me), part of me felt panicky and wanting to cling to him, but the other part of me knew that the more distance I gave him, the more likely we could eventually salvage at least a friendship out of it. The main problem with him was that he felt horribly guilty about breaking up with me, especially as he has a hard time with confrontation in any form. Your ex sounds very simliar to that, from what you've written. I still loved him - how could I possibly have been "friends" with him and go from being intimate life partners to just chatting about the weather? My opinion: a relationship can't revert so quickly. Do you REALLY think you could spend time with her without fighting the urge to rehash what did/didn't happen, or ask her if she questions her decision, or to confess that you still want to try to make it work? Even if you succeed in keeping your mouth shut about those things, her guilt will make her hypersensitive to mere suggestions of such things, and your body language and facial expressions would likely give away more than you realize. My ex couldn't deal with being reminded of the guilt he felt, and every time he saw me, invariably he would build up even more resentment that I was "making" him feel guilty -- even though I kept most conversations to thinkgs like the weather. And plus, it was torture for me to do that. How could I really be a friend to someone who had hurt me so badly?

A year from now, your hurt, her guilt, and both of your resentments will have subsided substantially. Right now, I believe that everything is too raw, from what you have written. If she initiates a friendship, I would be a little suspicious of it, because it would seem selfish considering that she knows how much she hurt you by breaking up with you.

But keep in mind that my reply is based on just a few posts that you have written about her. I know that there are a lot of facts about your relationship that I don't know, so let's make this the beginning of a discussion, rather than having my advice be considered my final word on the subject, ok?