Quote:
Originally Posted by eveshifter
Apparently my PTSD symptoms are coming back. I've been molested twice and raped once. I always thought that the rape I experienced was nothing, but I had a flashback, for the first time in my life, of it. The flashback occurred after several weeks of irritability and mental instability. Anyway this came out of nowhere. I don't understand why this is happening to me, I really felt like it was nothing. I just... can anyone shine a light onto why this is happening now? Can anyone give me advice on dealing with the flashbacks, irritability, and other symptoms. Also I am on meds. I take:
Trileptal, Invega, Lexapro, and Adderall.
My panic disorder seems to have returned as well.
Thanks for listening, I really needed to get this out there.
-Alexandra
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Hi eyeshifter,
Isn't this a crappy disorder? When I think of the last word in this diagnosis, disorder, it says so much to me. To me it means that there is no real order in our brain, and we are trying to straighten it out. I think that we may have periods where we can go along thinking we have indeed gained, organized our past. We ground ourselves and try to remember that things happened in the past and it is the past. I can relate to not understanding that, if I knew what happened in my past, how come I keep flashing back or even trigger?
I don't take a lot of medication, I really try hard to do as much as possible on my own. I have taken clonazapam for the extreme anxiety and to sleep, but I am trying to cut back due to the side effect of short term memory loss. I have already lost enough from my past.
I have lived thru a lot and survived and somehow thrived. But I had an event that really took alot out of me. And that is when my cup runnith over. I had a hard time trying to wrap my brain around this terrible event and I just couldn't seem to do it. I somehow felt like I was being punished and I truely tried so hard all my life, and I thought, I have nothing left, someone took it all.
I do see that with PTSD, we can go along not really realizing how much damage is storred in this brain of ours. And then something happens, and it doesn't have to be a big event, but it is something that reaches back into our mind and reminds us that someone else took something from us and we couldnt do much about it. Or, somehow we thought we were doing something right and later we see that it was wrong. So, we blame ourselves, even punish ourselves and there are many ways of doing that, as you can see in the different forums.
I think for the most part, we really have to think about our behavior and how we really did handle the abusive situation. We have to be willing to assess ourselves and say, how did I react and where did I go wrong?
This is NOT an easy task. Because we are thinking back on different situations and we are seeing something we did wrong and we are angry and don't really realize that hind sight is 20/20.
I have been working on that for several months and I have to say that it really takes time and we have to be able to understand that we are human and we can make mistakes and we can also, many times push it away unknowingly. I think that when we have stress and go up and down and struggle, it means that we need to work on it more and think about how to stop hiding or punishing ourselves and give into the repair process.
I am doing that one day at a time.
