Quote:
Originally Posted by treehouse
Something that's been really hard for me to learn with T is that it's not black and white....I've had a lot of closeness followed by ruptures, too, and I know how painful and confusing it is.
What I'm slowly slowly learning is that T's "misses" don't undo the good things he's done. I'm learning that he can care deeply for me AND make really stupid mistakes that hurt my feelings. One doesn't cancel out the other.
I love my kids SO much, and I would do anything for them. AND I make mistakes. The mistakes I make don't change the caring I feel for them. They don't change how much I love them. I'm just human, and we're together all the time, and I'm going to have a lot of chances to make mistakes.
T told me recently when we had a bunch of painful misses in a row that BECAUSE our relationship is so intimate, because we work SO closely together, there are simply more opportunities for "misses". If I saw him once a month for an hour, we'd probably have less misunderstandings than if I see him every week for 2 1/2 hours, and have lots of contact in between. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the level of contact we have...it just means that we have more chances for success AND for mistakes.
What if you think about it this way? I love my T. And I make mistakes in my T relationship. The mistakes I make don't change how I feel about him. I'm just human. T is just human.
I don't know if that helps, because I know it's hard to really OWN that when you're feeling so unsure...it's hard for me too when I'm feeling unsure...but I do think it's the truth.
   
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Treehouse,
What you say makes alot of sense. I DO tend to feel black and white about the therapy relationship, which makes things often feel off kilter. When the ruptures happen, i need to be able to look at the whole picture more. If i can remember all the things she's done that shows she cares, then maybe the hurt I feel from her mistakes will lessen. Also, i know i have made mistakes in the therapy relationship too. T has always been very kind about it, never making me feel bad. I should do the same for her when she makes mistakes. Somehow, it is hard to think logically like this when i am in the middle of an emotional reaction though. It is like the hurt feelings take up my whole consciousness, and the rational part of my mind is just absent. It's like i have an emotional part of my mind, and a rational part. And they don't seem to work together at the same time. I'm not sure why!
I'm so sorry about your kitty!

I've lost pets before and it just really hurts. My sister had to put her 20-year-old kitty to sleep 2 weeks ago also. It's a difficult thing to do. . .