Hi Warrioress, I saw your post and felt compelled to say something, at least reach out to you. I'm sure you can't say anything here that one of us can't relate to. You are safe here and I'm glad you shared your feelings. It can feel hopeless sometimes, but you sound very young (which is good you have this much insight into your illness so early on) There IS hope! Just don't stop seeking it. Maybe discuss different medication opts with your dr. Have you told him/her how they are affecting you? I urge you to.....the only way to get help is by asking for it. No one knows you better than you.....
Have you thought about/looked into GED (I have ADD and BP - I GET IT) I took the tests and did well....surprisingly well....you also are probably very intelligent ....that's something you can do at your own pace until you are ready to go take each test.
The suicidal thoughts are just that, thoughts.... they are taunting you and tearing you down...treat them like un unruly child! Try to focus on a good goal......maybe even journal to see if that helps.....I've had people tell me to journal for years, and I never have until now, and I am so amazed at how helpful it really is! It helps you see yourself a little more objectively, and you can sometimes see a "pattern" that can help....at least you know then that it will pass.....
keep us posted, pls?